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As reported by the BBC, inspired direct action, presumably by irritated residents, in Nottingham. No bicycles affected as far as I’m aware…
R:B
That expression on his face speaks volumes…
“Gerald didn’t know who to tell…but the cashmere cape just wasn’t cutting it!”
R:B
For some reason I continue to be surprised when correspondents call me Brian. I’ll be frank, that’s not my real name…and, no, neither is Frank!
I enjoy writing under a nom-de-clavier as it provides a limited degree of privacy and a greater degree of intellectual escapism. I can experiment, discuss and develop new themes and ideas without caring one jot about professional credibility. I can even call myself Brian. And yes, I was kidding about the credibility…
Careful readers may have noticed that I prefer to write about bicycles and bicyclism rather than “cycling” – a term too often appropriated by the sport cycling industry to the detriment, I believe, of ordinary riders of bicycles. Let’s be clear, I regard humbly riding a bicycle to work on a daily basis as far more heroic than repeatedly circumcycling a velodrome in pursuit of glory or gold and a damned sight more socially and economically valuable too!
I may not always succeed but I try to treat the bicycle as a metaphor or analogue for something. Ocassionally I’ll just write a meditation on tinkering with an old bicycle – a literary brico-cyc-lage – often with obsessive attention to unimportant detail. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I get it into my head to dig up random trivia. And quotes! I love finding references which express an attuitude towards the bicycle or bicyclism.
But I digress. The name – Flaneur Brian – is perhaps best considered a polyseme; a vaguely Joycean homonymic homage to Flann O’Brien, author of The Third Policeman, as well as being an amalgam of the Flâneur and the bemused victim of happenstance (epitomised by Brian, in Monty Python’s Life of) to compose a character that represents, to me at least, an archetypal urban bicyclist in the transportation paragone of the twenty-first century.
Have I lost you yet?
Call me eccentric…but you can call me Brian.
R:B
Marc at Amsterdamize.com has some very useful tips on cycling in Amsterdam (where else!) and I thought it might be worth appending what I learned on my recent visit.
- If you rent a bicycle as a tourist/visitor, make sure you go for one with the rental company sign on the front – I got the impression the locals appreciate the warning label! :c)
Rental bicycle showing "Tourist" warning label on front
- Before deciding to rent a bicycle with a coaster brake, bear in mind that mumblety-cough years of reaching for handlebar-mounted brake levers is an instinct that may take time to unlearn. Traffic – even two-wheeled – is probably definitely not the place.
- If you want transportation rather than recreation and you’re more familiar with “hand brakes”, then ask for them. Neither prayers nor swearing are effective methods of arresting a bicycle’s progress (see above).
- If I still haven’t put you off, bear in mind that a coaster brake, like a fixie, doesn’t let you “cock” your pedal for easy take-off at stoppages. You need to stop with your pedals in a sensible position or you’ll look like a grinning idiot with a touch of chorea as you try to bend the bicycle to your will. The locals know this and simply don’t stop.
- Don’t worry about the language. Everyone cycling in Amsterdam speaks English perfectly – you’ll frequently hear them offering helpful advice such as “You’re going the wrong way…!”
- In some areas of Amsterdam, you may find a bicycle symbol painted on the ground to mark a cycle lane. Sometimes you may also find cycle lanes where the symbol is painted upside down. Don’t worry, this is intentional and simply indicates that you’re going the wrong way…
- Don’t try and follow an Amsterdamer through a narrow gap – you won’t fit! Trust me! They’ve got retractable pedals or something…
- Dutch traditional black bicycles are quite tall in the stem compared to British roadster models. There is likely an historical reason involving tax avoidance. It means the zwarte fiets can perhaps feel twitchy and wobbly at low speeds to some riders. This is perfectly alright. Just pedal faster.
- Give it a go. Once you go black you may never go back…
We used Damstraat Rent-a-Bike which was convenient and inexpensive and we found the guys there to be helpful and friendly. Give them a try. I think they’ve possibly stopped laughing by now!
R:B
A flock of Bromptons roosting in a NYC park
I’ve never ceased to be amazed by Bromptons. I could stand and stare at them all day…
I’ve seen them riding around and I’ve seen them folded but never in the actual act of transmogrification. Oh…sure, we’ve all seen photos!
Fortunately, the BBC – the people who brought us The Private Life of Plants – have managed to capture the amazing process of transforming a bicycle into a squat cuboid of disjointed steel tube and rubber….with a seat on it.
R:B
PS: The above is a mere conceit. You can see the inventor, Andrew Ritchie demonstrate it here.
R:B
The first – and easiest – job I found myself doing was removing the Unholy Spoke Reflectors!
Now, reflectors are a legal requirement around these parts and I’m not one to flout the law. No, really! At least not in a publicly-documented fashion. But these were bizarre, unholy things that were either relics of an unspeakable poultry-worshipping cult or, far more likely, free gifts with a mass-produced breakfast cereal. I don’t know which is the more frightening prospect…
I can almost imagine the deep conversation that went on in their PR department:
“So, we’re committed to doing something for Bike Safety Month. What are our options…”
“What about a free gift…something inexpensive but useful?”
“Like reflectors, maybe?”
“Wheel reflectors…the ones that fit between the spokes!”
“Cool! But what about the corporate branding? We need something instantly identifiable…”
“Yeah….identifiably…corporate”
“Hmmmm… Like maybe…shaped like The Chicken?”
“Chicken-shaped? Chicken-shaped wheel reflectors! Yeah…folks’ll love ‘em!”
“Nice! But surely they’ll be much more expensive than standard reflectors…”
“Then…let’s just…erm…mount cheap single-sided reflectors in a bit of chicken-shaped plastic…”
“Cool…!”
“Cool!”
“Chicken-shaped reflectors…ha ha ha! Next!”
I mean…what, in the name of all that’s hairy, were they thinking‽
R:B
